A Funny Story--How Many Puns Can You Find?

An orchestra had a staff meeting. It started off badly, for the room was locked and no one could find the key. Nobody wanted to take notes, but they needed a good report of the meeting and there was no space for error, for somebody would get in treble if a mistake got flagged. Not everybody could come so they were beamed in. That was a relief, because they needed tenor more to attend the meeting. When it came time to bring fourth a vote, only one person would respond, and no one would second anything.

In reviewing the finances, they saw that the ledger was a mess, and most of the lines were wrong. The upper strings complained about the budget, but everyone thought their comments were bassless. The flautists thought there was too much padding on most things, but the other wind players said those flautists can't reed. Some others thought the orchestra loses money because of all the sax and violins in their concerts.

The guitarists were fretting. The percussionists wanted to beat something up. The wind players thought it just blew. The brass players told everyone else to buzz off. The string players wanted to peg someone. The organists were silent and wouldn't even pipe up--even the ones that had rank. The conductor wanted to settle the score.

After the meeting, nobody was exactly trilled. Some wanted to jump off a clef. Some were under a rest for conducting themselves violinly. Many wanted to go downtown for a drink, but the barlines were too long, so they went to a liquor store and bought a couple of fifths. After this, even the smartest people weren't too sharp, the pianists were hammered, and everyone else was flat on the ground.

No one knew whence the problems stemmed. Such things can't be natural.

Should I change my Strings?

Ahh...the perennial question among all string players. We know that strings are under a lot of stress during their useful lives, and they don't last forever. So, how often should we change them, and what influences the lifespan of a set of strings?

Some people stick to a strict schedule for string replacement. Some people change after a certain number of playing hours. Some people decide they need new strings when their instrument just doesn't sound right. Some people just can't stop breaking strings or destroying the windings. With all the differing opinions out there, let's see if we can find some hard facts about what makes strings die.

Keep in mind that some string models are prone to different problems. I will be naming names. Through this article, I will list some common ways strings die, and what can be done about it.

Here goes! Enjoy!

Manner of Death #1

Core breakage

Cause: Over tuning
One of the most common things that lead string breakage is over tuning. If you take a string well over the tension for which it was designed, it can break. It's as simple as that. For those without perfect pitch, use a tuner or a piano to get the right pitches.

Cause: Some strings are just prone to that
The quality of the core material varies across string brands. Over several years of being around about 70 violins full time, I see which strings break most often, and Thomastik-Infeld strings have some of the least reliable cores. Pirastro strings are better. D'Addario strings are mostly ok.

Cause: Bad nut
The nut is a high stress point for the strings. They must glide over it effortlessly when the pegs are operated. If the nut is catching the string, the peg will only tighten the length of the string in the peg box, not the resonating length of the string. When the players don't get the desired results from moving the peg they will move the peg more, still mostly just tightening the peg box, and the string breaks above the nut.

If you press on the section of the string in the peg box, the pitch of the string will go up. If the pitch stays up, you have a problem. In many cases the player can rub some graphite in the nut groves. The graphite lubricates the groove and allows the string to move more easily. Loosen one string at a time, and lubricate each groove in turn.

The grooves in the nut may sometimes be wide enough, but they do not direct the string into the peg box properly Each string goes down at a different angle, and may have to turn to one side or the other. The nut should without kinks or harsh corners gracefully guide each string to the point at which it meets the peg. The strings should be wound on the pegs in such a way that they don't have to bend much to the side. If the grooves in your nut need adjusted, visit a luthier who will take the time to do this seemingly non-critical task right.

Manner of Death #2
Tailpiece end Failure

Cause: Sharp hook on E string tuner
This really only applies to E strings here in America. Some Europeans will use loop end A strings that can be prone to this problem. With loop end strings, the hook that holds the loop can be sharp and cut right through the loop. Interestingly, cheaper hook style tuners made of lesser metal aren't as hard on the loops they hold. Softer metal doesn't form that sharp cutting edge that becomes the bane of many violinists' existences.

This problem can be mitigated by small plastic loop protectors that go on the inside of the hook. A player can also round over the edges of the hook where it holds the string. A small piece of sandpaper can do this, but be careful to not scratch or damage anything else. Don't say I didn't warn you! A qualified luthier should be willing to take the time to do this for you.


Cause: Wrong type of string adjuster

When someone wants all four of their strings to have fine tuners, many luthiers are temped to just put string adjusters in all four of the string slots. While workable, this solution is fraught with problems. In addition to the excess weight and the hazard of the arms coming down into the varnish lies a subtle detail that frighteningly many luthiers don't notice--and it can make life miserable. The string adjusters come in narrow slot and wide slot varieties. The "slot" refers to where the string goes to be held. A narrow slot is made for E strings, and a wide slot is made for the thicker A, D, and G strings. Many a luthier will shove the lower strings into a narrow slot tuner, and that can pinch the ball right off the end of the string. Having to force strings into and out of the groove is also a pain, and can be hazardous to the instrument as you twist and finagle on the tailpiece. In this illustration, you can see the difference between the narrow slot on the left, and the wide slot on the right. Narrow slot tuners can be widened by bending the hooks a bit farther apart, but that is a stop-gap solution at best.

Manner of Death #3

Winding Failure

Cause: Bad nut and aluminum A
As mentioned above, a nut that is not correctly adjusted can cause lots of difficulties. If you use an aluminum A string on your violin, you have another problem to watch for. Since aluminum is a light metal, it takes a lot of thinkness to make a string of proper pitch and tension. The large diameter of most aluminum A strings makes them prone to having the windings catch in the nut groove. If A strings seem to wear out and get funky really fast, check to see if there is much visible separation between the windings as the string goes over the nut. If there is, the groove could afford to be widened. I notice this problem mostly on Evah Pirazzi A strings.

Cause: Bad bridge and silver D
Just like the nut, the bridge is a high stress point for strings. Even though silver wrapped D strings are pretty skinny, they are prone to problems at the bridge. The silver is very thin and delicate, so it breaks, and you will notce a frayed end of a winding right in the area of the bridge groove. If this happens to you, a luthier can correct it by rounding the sharp edges with a tiny file. I see this problem mostly on Thomastik-Infeld Vision series strings.

Cause: Corrosive body chemistry
Some players sweat a lot, and that sweat carries corrosive salts, acids, and other things that are pretty gross. The metal of your strings hates this stuff, and no matter what you do, it gets into your strings never to come out. You can wipe your strings off after playing, but that only goes so far. Some peoples' sweat can corrode strings so far that the windings break! No string brand is immune to this.

Manner of Death #4

Wearing Out

Even when strings serve valiantly for a long time with no issues, they still wear out. The reality is that they live a tough life. Oils, grease, sweat, rosin, and other forms of dirt get into the windings, corrode the metal, and degrade the string. Strings also take a lot of tension, and they endure it even while you sleep. This stretches out the core material, which spreads the windings, and changes how the string vibrates. A stretched core also reduces the string's elasticity, which can negatively impact sound. Even when the instrument is in perfect string friendly condition, you can't escape the fact that strings get stressed at certain points, and something will give eventually. If you play a lot, and your strings are lasting 6 or more months without major issues, you're doing pretty well.

One common thing that I hear all the time is "I put these strings on and they didn't last for anything." Yes, some strings are generally known for sounding really good at the beginning and quickly dying (Pirastro Passiones, for example), but it could be that they are just the wrong strings for the instrument. Strings are different after breaking in, and if they don't match the instrument after breaking in, the player will naturally think that the strings wore out.

I personally keep a log of when I last changed my strings. Sometimes, when my violin sounds a bit off, it's my fault as the player. I can look at the log, and see if the strings could be worn out. Treat your strings well, and they will do the same for you. Some players can go over a year without any string changes and be fine. Others will wear them out much faster. If you see visible signs of something amiss, then it's time to replace the string. Otherwise, keep playing until your strings stop sounding right.

Have I answered the title question? Probably not. There is no definitive answer, but hopefully you as a player will know more about the life of strings and how not to make them die prematurely.

P.S. When you finish playing, only wipe your strings off where you have touched them with your left hand. Don't try to wipe the rosin off the bowing area--that makes an awful sound, and when you play again for 30 seconds, they're all covered in rosin again! Why bother?

P.P.S. I am not sponsored by any string company. Everything I've written comes from my experience. If you have a problem or a question, leave a comment, or contact me--the link is in the top bar. Bye now!

5 Steps to Being A Better Orchestra Player

I don't have a whole lot of time to write right now, so here's a quick post. It doesn't offer to solve all the problems of the world, but if all rank-and-file string players abide by these simple rules, orchestras might be a nicer place!

1. Show up on time

Never ever be late to rehearsal. If you are late, the orchestra is incomplete, and no conductor likes that. Plus being late gives the impression that you are not a true professional. Everybody else showed up on time, and it's not exactly fair to them that you got there late. Even just coming in during rehearsal is disruptive to your colleagues. Don't be too early either. Stage crews and percussionists often have lots of equipment to move around, and you should not be in their way. Even if that's not a concern, don't make all your colleagues come in to the soundtrack of your practicing.

2. Don't be a warm up hoon

In America, the term "hoon" is not often thrown around. It describes someone who drives around recklessly to impress others on and around the road. Don't be like that with your instrument during the warm up time before a rehearsal or concert. Yes, it might be fun to fire off that new lick from the concerto you're working on, and it may sound great, but other people don't like it. Stick to non-showoffish warm ups and the music that's on the program.

3. Play well

This goes without saying. This is not to give you the impression that a mistake here or there makes you a bad player. Playing well means fitting within the sound of your section in all aspects of tuning, tone, and dynamic. USE YOUR EARS. Don't just listen to yourself playing. All of this takes practice, and to truly play well takes the right preparation before you come to rehearsal. By the way, with good preparation, you will make fewer mistakes, feel better about yourself, and the best part is that your colleagues will like it too!

4. Don't ask too many questions

Very few conductors and orchestras like someone from the back of a string section asking a lot of questions during rehearsal. This takes up valuable time, and they have bigger fish to fry. You are an important part of the orchestra, but there are usually more important matters at hand. If a question is really important to you, take it up with your principal or the conductor during break or after rehearsal. They are happy to hear from you during these times.

5. Be nice to people

This is another one that goes without saying. Nobody likes someone who is not nice to them. Introduce yourself. Talk to people (not during rehearsal time of course), and take an interest in who they are. Even if you have nothing in common and you don't become close friends, at least you know their name, and can greet them by name in the future. That goes a long way.

Jon Paul Vibrant Review

I've had a Jon Paul "Vibrant" violin bow for over a year now, and I have to say I like it...mostly. This bow is made of a unique red carbon fiber composite with aluminum strands woven through. Under stage lighting, the aluminum sparkles. The blend of these materials results in a very strong durable stick that can take quite the beating and is impervious to weather conditions. The Vibrant is not for everybody in every situation, but I find it to be a good addition to my arsenal of bows.

Craftsmanship wise, the Vibrant matches what one would expect from a bow in its price range. The fit and finish is mostly good, and the stick is very well shaped. I found no craftsmanship issues that negatively affect the playing of this bow. It is worth noting that the entire stick is formed in one piece, so there are no invisible joints to crack, as there are on some bows of this price range. The frog (which is just a mass-produced one) was mated well to the stick, and the nut turns easily and smoothly. The grip and winding are of fine quality for a bow in this price range.

No one pays me to tell me what to write. This post is all facts and my personal opinions. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. Please contact me if you have questions.

One disappointment I have about the quality of the Vibrant is that it uses a plastic tip plate. CodaBow uses a metal tip plate on their budget-friendly Prodigy model. I feel like a metal tip plate would take the Vibrant from merely durable to practically bullet proof. If it was ever dropped, the metal would hold up much better than the plastic.

I usually look for the frog mortise to be squared out, but I don't blame Jon Paul for not messing with this one. The carbon/aluminum material would be hard on tools and take a lot of time to carve out. I'll accept that the ends are rounded. Otherwise, the tightening action is slick and smooth. While not readily apparent in the picture, it appears to have taken some grinding to shape the stick exactly to the frog. It looks dull on the bottom, but none of that is visible with the frog on.

As with most Jon Paul bows, the tip is put together with a nice wooden plug--a nice thing for a technician to see!

A nicely shaped head

The most striking attribute of this bow is its power. It lacks nothing in this department. While the tone is kind of one-dimensional, boy can it get loud. I use this bow primarily for outdoor gigs, where I need the sound to be heard in open air over noise on a cheap violin. I find the feel of the Vibrant to be a bit stiff and harsh. If it encounters a bump over a string, you'll definitely feel it.

This bow has a particularly nice abalone underslide

Since the Vibrant is so strong, navigating three and four note chords without crushing the violin takes a deft hand. It also feels very heavy, so after playing the Bach Chaconne, my arm is tired. An attempt to draw out beautiful long tones reveals the Vibrant's tendency toward squawkiness. This may not be the case on every instrument, but this bow is much better at powering sound out rather than letting the instrument ring. In playing fast, arpeggiated chords, I felt that the Vibrant did not like to bounce. I can get ricochet strokes out of it, but its weight and strength hold it back in the bounce department.

With such a strong stick, I could almost fend off an angry animal with the Vibrant, then turn around to use it at a gig! If you need power and durability in a bow that's not a huge liability, then the Jon Paul Vibrant is the ticket.






Here's the bottom line:

Thumbs up for the power, durability, quality of the stick, and price.
Thumbs down for the one-dimensional tone, tendency toward squawkiness, and lack of metal tip plate.

The Best of Musicians Changing Light Bulbs

If you decide to hire musicians to change your lightbulbs, you'd better know what you're in for! Here are some things you might see when musicians undertake this simple task.

Q: How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

Q: How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They don't go that high.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Uhh...Hey man, it like uhhhh dark in here, or somethin'.

Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you also need a trombonist to keep him from sticking his hand in the socket.

Q: How many clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but she will go through the entire box of bulbs before she finds one she likes.

Q: How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten. One to hold the bulb, and nine more to drink until the room spins.

Q: How many violists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to hold the bulb, and four more to turn the ladder.

Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nobody was looking.

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The pianist does that with his left hand.

Q: How many flautists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten. One to do it, and nine more to tell her to buy a sterling silver bulb.

How Your Bow Tip Can Fail You

As you play your stringed instrument, you might not be thinking about how fragile your equipment is. My advice is to not think about this in performances. In every bow lies an area that can fail in many ways. If this area does fail, you can have an interruption in your performance, a big repair bill, or a new garden stake. I'm talking about the tip of your bow, where the stick gets thin, and the hair is held by a tiny chunk of wood.

You might notice that on my post Five Funny Fiddle Fails, that 3 of the failures were bow related. Given how bows are put together, its a wonder that any given orchestra concert doesn't feature at least one major bow fail. Your bow is a peculiar mix of the fragile and robust. It is strong in the right ways to withstand several pounds of tension on the hair, not to mention the beating that players inevitably dish out on the delicate stick. It can, however break for no obvious reason. Let's look at some ways that one little area of your bow can let you down.

Hair popping out of the tip is probably the most common and dramatic fail. it usually makes a nice little popping sound with hair flying all over. After all, if you fail, you might as well fail big, right? Here are the big three ways the tip can fail: the plug can come out, the hair bundle can come loose, or the tip plate can break.

A plug can fail if it is cut improperly or from inferior wood. The front of the plug should press the hair against the front of the mortise, and not be able to turn out. See the cut away view of the tip below: there is no room for the plug to turn counter-clockwise out of the mortise. It is like a car along the curb with other cars too close on the front and back. No matter how hard you turn, you will never get out without scraping your bumper. An improperly cut plug may have room to turn, and soft wood can simply crumble, thus leaving the plug able to turn out of the mortise.

Cut away view of the tip

Another path to disaster is the knots coming loose. The bow hair is held in bundles at both ends. The hair can start to fall out one at a time, then as there are fewer hairs, the knot gets looser, and things really break loose. There are many different ways of making bundles, but some are just accidents waiting to happen. I use strong thread and super glue. This one used some rosin and a flame along with a loose knot--not the strongest. There isn't much you can do if the hairs start to fall out like this. If this does start happening, don't pull them out, since it will make the problem worse. Just get it rehaired.

One of the most common issues with the bow tip is the tip plate--the white plastic or bone (sometimes metal) that covers the face of the tip. This plate gives valuable strength to the wood and takes some of the stress of holding the hair in. These can detach from the tip or they can crack. If it does crack, it should be evaluated by a professional to see if replacement is necessary. Very often, problems start with small cracks right beside where the hair comes out. Such cracks can be glued in place, and the bow will still work. In any case, it needs to be strong and stable, or else you risk the hair popping out or damaging the tip of the bow. A drop in a hard floor can also do a number on this piece.

Cracked tip plate: Note the small crack on the top right corner of the hair.

Another dramatic (and sometimes tragic) fail, is the head breaking off. This can happen if the bow has been dropped, and some micro cracks formed in the head. Extreme dryness is a double whammy for the head. When the wood dries out, it gets weaker. In addition dryness makes the hair contract, and if it is not loosened accordingly, it can pull the head off. As a last resort, you should cut the hair off. If the bow is above playing tension, and it will not get any looser, it's time to sacrifice the hair for the welfare of the bow.

Sometimes, there isn't much you can do about your bow failing. Even a bow rehaired by a really good technician can fail. If it does the shop should make it right for you, but no one is going to be quite perfect.

For musicians, the best thing we can do is to avoid abusing the delicate tip. This includes not dropping the bow, and not tapping or hitting anything with the tip. Those physical shocks can damage the tip plate, or jar things loose no matter how well it is put together. These shocks can also weaken the wood of the stick and increase its chances of breaking in the future. It is well to also avoid extremes of temperature and humidity. Wood expands and contracts with climate variations, and that movement can push things apart.

Bows are not that high maintenance, and taking care of one is not exactly rocket science. I hope that by shining light on these types of failures, I have inspired you to better respect the fragility of bows, and that you will better understand the mechanics and structure of your bow.

12 Great Instrument Jokes for Winter

If you've seen my previous post Best Musician Jokes you know that instrument jokes can get pretty rough. With home heating and fireplace burning season coming around, I thought a few jokes themed around firewood, chainsaws, and burning instruments might either warm your heart or just get you steamed. If you're offended, please come back at me with your own!

Q: What's the difference between a violin and a chainsaw?

A: Only one gets sharper as it goes on.

Q: What's the difference between a baritone sax and a chainsaw?

A: Vibrato--unless you hold the chainsaw really still. Then there's no difference

Q: What's the difference between a trombone and a chainsaw?

A: You can improvise on a chainsaw.

Q: What's the difference between a horn section and a chainsaw?

A: The chainsaw might start when you need it to.

Q: What's the difference between a tuba and a chainsaw?

A: One makes toxic fumes, and should only be used outside. The other is used to cut wood.

Q: What's the difference between a viola and a chainsaw?

A: You can tune a chainsaw.

Q: What's the difference between a piccolo and a chainsaw?

A: One will always cause permanent hearing damage. You can buy a quiet electric chainsaw.

Q: What are burning oboes good for?
A: Lighting bassoons on fire.

Q: What do you call a big stack of clarinets?

A: Kindling.

Q: Why is a viola better than a violin?

A: The viola burns longer.

Q: What's the difference between store bought fireplace logs and guitars?
A: Not much. They're both expensive ways to heat your home.

Q: What's the cheapest way to heat your home?
A: Hire a conductor. They blow plenty of hot air.

Well, there you have it. Stay warm!