A Funny Story--How Many Puns Can You Find?

An orchestra had a staff meeting. It started off badly, for the room was locked and no one could find the key. Nobody wanted to take notes, but they needed a good report of the meeting and there was no space for error, for somebody would get in treble if a mistake got flagged. Not everybody could come so they were beamed in. That was a relief, because they needed tenor more to attend the meeting. When it came time to bring fourth a vote, only one person would respond, and no one would second anything.

In reviewing the finances, they saw that the ledger was a mess, and most of the lines were wrong. The upper strings complained about the budget, but everyone thought their comments were bassless. The flautists thought there was too much padding on most things, but the other wind players said those flautists can't reed. Some others thought the orchestra loses money because of all the sax and violins in their concerts.

The guitarists were fretting. The percussionists wanted to beat something up. The wind players thought it just blew. The brass players told everyone else to buzz off. The string players wanted to peg someone. The organists were silent and wouldn't even pipe up--even the ones that had rank. The conductor wanted to settle the score.

After the meeting, nobody was exactly trilled. Some wanted to jump off a clef. Some were under a rest for conducting themselves violinly. Many wanted to go downtown for a drink, but the barlines were too long, so they went to a liquor store and bought a couple of fifths. After this, even the smartest people weren't too sharp, the pianists were hammered, and everyone else was flat on the ground.

No one knew whence the problems stemmed. Such things can't be natural.