Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Best Musician Jokes
Musicians love to make fun of each other, and this has given way to many great jokes. This post barely scratches the surface of this body of humor, but the jokes presented here are the best of the best. If you are offended by any of these jokes, please come back with your own in comments below!
Here we go!
A violist walks into an orchestra rehearsal and sees a violinist with a shiny stainless steel bottle. The violist asks "what's that bottle you have there?" The violinist says "it's a thermos bottle; it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." After the rehearsal, the violist quickly runs to a store and buys his very own thermos bottle. He proudly brings his new purchase to the next rehearsal. The violinist says to the violist "hey, I see you got yourself a thermos bottle. What do you have in it?" The violist says "coffee and a popsicle."
~~~
A 'C', an E-flat, and a 'G' go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not A minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
~~~
Q: How many second violinists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: They don't go that high.
Q: What is the difference between a violist and a shopping cart?
A: A shopping cart might have a mind of its own.
Q: What is cluster harmony?
A: A bunch of french horns trying to play in unison.
Q: What is the difference between an E-flat clarinet and a deranged chicken?
A: One makes loud, squaking, unmusical sounds, and the other is a bird.
Q: What is a burning oboe good for?
A: Lighting bassoons on fire.
Q: What is the difference between a conductor and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists have sympathizers.
Q: What did the violist get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: What is the best piece for a solo viola?
A: John Cage's "4:33"
Q: Did you hear about the bass section being so out of tune the conductor noticed?
A: Neither did I.
Q: What is the best way to keep a violin from being stolen?
A: Put it in a viola case.
Q: How are pirates, sopranos, and trumpet players alike?
A: They're all terror on the high C's.
Q: What is another name for a trombone?
A: A wind-driven, manually-operated, pitch approximator.
Q: What are the most dangerous words ever spoken in an orchestra rehearsal?
A: Trombones, please play that louder.
Sunday, September 11, 2016
Of Microsoft and Music
Music is everywhere. It sounds cliché, but its true. You can barely do anything without hearing music. Go into a store, there's music. Watch a TV show or movie, there's music. Music shapes our experience, influences our moods, and can even alter our thoughts. Music is powerful stuff.
We might not realize it, but software companies, especially Microsoft, have gotten on the music bandwagon. Have you ever noticed that your computer plays sounds on startup and when displaying messages? You probably have, but you probably have never thought about how these sounds are precisely engineered and composed to make you perceive a better and more refined computing experience.
Take first (going away from the title of this post) the Mac startup chime. A simple beep would convey the same message as the harmonious chord a Mac makes when you hit the power button, but that beep wouldn't convey the same feeling. The chime sounds pleasant and puts the user at ease, while a beep sounds alarming, and puts the user on edge--not what Apple wants.
Every windows release since 3.1 (all the way back in 1992) has had at least a startup sound. Starting with Windows 8, however, the startup sound has been silenced by default. Here is a page that gives the Cliff's Notes on startup sounds for various Windows releases. Even the humble "Ta Da" of Windows 3.1 served its purpose well. The operating system was new and different, and the sound put that right in everyone's faces.
The Windows 95 Startup sound became one of the iconic sounds of the Windows era. It is still known as "The Microsoft Sound." In an interview about this sound, composer, Brian Eno said in an interview "the thing from the agency said, “We want a piece of music that is inspiring, universal, blah- blah, da-da-da, optimistic, futuristic, sentimental, emotional,” this whole list of adjectives, and then at the bottom it said “and it must be 3 1/4 seconds long.” This proves that Microsoft was thinking about that first impression that the computer makes on the users when they start it up.
Beginning with Windows 95, Microsoft always included some short MIDI (Musical Instrument Digital Interface) songs hidden deep in system directories. These songs were there for product support, and due to their obscure locations deep in the bowels of the file system, users were unlikely to delete them. If someone called in with sound problems, the support technician could direct the user to open these MIDI files, thus be better able to diagnose the issue.
Microsoft could have easily thrown together some scales, sweeps, and musical nonsense that used as many MIDI instruments and parameters as possible, but would the average user would not know what to listen for. People know when they hear music, and can usually describe what they hear in it. The original set of MIDI files included a song titled "Canyon". This was great for the time of Windows 95, but it's Super-Mario-Bros.-esqe sound quickly became outdated. Not much changed with the files for several Windows versions.
Over the years, Microsoft worked with different composers, and the sounds changed with the times. The Windows 98 startup sound was futuristic and abstract. As computers were becoming more capable and accessible, this sound tapped into peoples' vision of the future at that time and the feelings that went with it. The Windows 2000 startup sound is (in my opinion) the best sound from Microsoft. This sound accompanied a major new set of features aimed at user-friendliness that we take for granted now, and the flow of the sound mirrors the new and smoother user experience.
Windows XP, released in 2001, was the most musical of all Windows versions. It played music during the system setup, before the startup sound was even heard! That is, if the sound drivers were in order. This music stays hidden away in a system folder where it is unlikely to be found. The inclusion of this song written a while before by Brian Eno was apparently a last minute decision by the development team. They had this song lying around, and members of the team in charge of the "Out of Box Experience" really wanted to use it.
The increased use of music went with the more plush experience of the new Windows version--display elements were more colorful, menus faded in and out, buttons were more 3-dimensional, and the graphics were higher resolution. Why would Microsoft stop at treating only one sense to the new experience?
Another musical facet of Windows XP was the new MIDI song. It replaced "Canyon," and exercises a wider variety of MIDI instruments and controls. It takes a trip through many different kinds of music. This song, titled "Onestop," was also included in Windows 7. The people who actually care about these things gave this song a reception about as mixed as the genres it includes. Some don't like it because it is such a musical hodgepodge, and some liked it for its variety. The variety of Onestop suits its purpose better, as it is more likely to catch a problem with MIDI playback.
Windows XP also included a good array of sample music in each user's music folder. I especially liked the Scherzo from Beethoven's 9th Symphony performed by Gerard Schwarz and the Seattle Symphony. Incidentally, Windows 7 and 8 had Richard Stolzman performing "The Maid with the Flaxen Hair." I was disappointed to look in the Windows 10 music library to find nothing at all.
Windows XP had by far the best array of system notification sounds. I especially love the scary "critical stop" sound that always signalled something bad. People loved making fun of the Windows XP sounds, probably because there was a lot of material. British conductor, Rainer Hersch and his orchestra perform among other pieces the "Windows Waltz" that puts XP sounds into a musical package. XP also spawned the "Windows Error Remix" that combines various notification sounds with a prominent role given to the critical stop. Windows developed a reputation for throwing myriad errors, and music like this reflects users' frustrations.
After XP came the infamous Windows Vista, a short lived operating system that got Microsoft into some hot water. Many features were either not ready for prime time, or poorly implemented. Vista brought a major shift in the interface design that included transparencies, animations, and a lighter and more open look. The sounds mirrored this. In addition to lighter and more transparent notification sounds, the startup sound was a four-note theme based on the four colors of the Windows logo and a rhythm that went "Win-DOWS Vis-TA"
There has been disappointingly little recent development in the musical aspect of Windows. Windows 7, 8, and 10 have notification sounds, but they all pale in comparison to those of XP. In many instances, system sounds are not played. I theorize that the shift to smaller mobile devices from desktops drives this trend. Back in the day, people would sit down at their computers, usually including a set of desktop speakers, and fire them up. Computing was an experience in itself.
Now, desktop computers are on the way out, and people rarely shut their laptops, tablets, and phones down. If there was a startup sound, it would never get played. Since people don't want their devices to be noisy, they don't generally make a wake up or log on sound. How many times do you wake your phone up in a day? A sound every time would get annoying.
Software is becoming more and more mobile oriented, which is pushing sound out. Will people want sounds back? probably not. We are to a point where we take technology for granted, and the experience of using it is nothing special. With all the noise coming at us in modern life, it may be good that our devices keep their mouths shut.
We might not realize it, but software companies, especially Microsoft, have gotten on the music bandwagon. Have you ever noticed that your computer plays sounds on startup and when displaying messages? You probably have, but you probably have never thought about how these sounds are precisely engineered and composed to make you perceive a better and more refined computing experience.
Take first (going away from the title of this post) the Mac startup chime. A simple beep would convey the same message as the harmonious chord a Mac makes when you hit the power button, but that beep wouldn't convey the same feeling. The chime sounds pleasant and puts the user at ease, while a beep sounds alarming, and puts the user on edge--not what Apple wants.
Every windows release since 3.1 (all the way back in 1992) has had at least a startup sound. Starting with Windows 8, however, the startup sound has been silenced by default. Here is a page that gives the Cliff's Notes on startup sounds for various Windows releases. Even the humble "Ta Da" of Windows 3.1 served its purpose well. The operating system was new and different, and the sound put that right in everyone's faces.
The Windows 95 Startup sound became one of the iconic sounds of the Windows era. It is still known as "The Microsoft Sound." In an interview about this sound, composer, Brian Eno said in an interview "the thing from the agency said, “We want a piece of music that is inspiring, universal, blah- blah, da-da-da, optimistic, futuristic, sentimental, emotional,” this whole list of adjectives, and then at the bottom it said “and it must be 3 1/4 seconds long.” This proves that Microsoft was thinking about that first impression that the computer makes on the users when they start it up.
Beginning with Windows 95, Microsoft always included some short MIDI (Musical Instrument Digital Interface) songs hidden deep in system directories. These songs were there for product support, and due to their obscure locations deep in the bowels of the file system, users were unlikely to delete them. If someone called in with sound problems, the support technician could direct the user to open these MIDI files, thus be better able to diagnose the issue.
Microsoft could have easily thrown together some scales, sweeps, and musical nonsense that used as many MIDI instruments and parameters as possible, but would the average user would not know what to listen for. People know when they hear music, and can usually describe what they hear in it. The original set of MIDI files included a song titled "Canyon". This was great for the time of Windows 95, but it's Super-Mario-Bros.-esqe sound quickly became outdated. Not much changed with the files for several Windows versions.
Over the years, Microsoft worked with different composers, and the sounds changed with the times. The Windows 98 startup sound was futuristic and abstract. As computers were becoming more capable and accessible, this sound tapped into peoples' vision of the future at that time and the feelings that went with it. The Windows 2000 startup sound is (in my opinion) the best sound from Microsoft. This sound accompanied a major new set of features aimed at user-friendliness that we take for granted now, and the flow of the sound mirrors the new and smoother user experience.
Windows XP, released in 2001, was the most musical of all Windows versions. It played music during the system setup, before the startup sound was even heard! That is, if the sound drivers were in order. This music stays hidden away in a system folder where it is unlikely to be found. The inclusion of this song written a while before by Brian Eno was apparently a last minute decision by the development team. They had this song lying around, and members of the team in charge of the "Out of Box Experience" really wanted to use it.
The increased use of music went with the more plush experience of the new Windows version--display elements were more colorful, menus faded in and out, buttons were more 3-dimensional, and the graphics were higher resolution. Why would Microsoft stop at treating only one sense to the new experience?
Another musical facet of Windows XP was the new MIDI song. It replaced "Canyon," and exercises a wider variety of MIDI instruments and controls. It takes a trip through many different kinds of music. This song, titled "Onestop," was also included in Windows 7. The people who actually care about these things gave this song a reception about as mixed as the genres it includes. Some don't like it because it is such a musical hodgepodge, and some liked it for its variety. The variety of Onestop suits its purpose better, as it is more likely to catch a problem with MIDI playback.
Windows XP also included a good array of sample music in each user's music folder. I especially liked the Scherzo from Beethoven's 9th Symphony performed by Gerard Schwarz and the Seattle Symphony. Incidentally, Windows 7 and 8 had Richard Stolzman performing "The Maid with the Flaxen Hair." I was disappointed to look in the Windows 10 music library to find nothing at all.
Windows XP had by far the best array of system notification sounds. I especially love the scary "critical stop" sound that always signalled something bad. People loved making fun of the Windows XP sounds, probably because there was a lot of material. British conductor, Rainer Hersch and his orchestra perform among other pieces the "Windows Waltz" that puts XP sounds into a musical package. XP also spawned the "Windows Error Remix" that combines various notification sounds with a prominent role given to the critical stop. Windows developed a reputation for throwing myriad errors, and music like this reflects users' frustrations.
After XP came the infamous Windows Vista, a short lived operating system that got Microsoft into some hot water. Many features were either not ready for prime time, or poorly implemented. Vista brought a major shift in the interface design that included transparencies, animations, and a lighter and more open look. The sounds mirrored this. In addition to lighter and more transparent notification sounds, the startup sound was a four-note theme based on the four colors of the Windows logo and a rhythm that went "Win-DOWS Vis-TA"
There has been disappointingly little recent development in the musical aspect of Windows. Windows 7, 8, and 10 have notification sounds, but they all pale in comparison to those of XP. In many instances, system sounds are not played. I theorize that the shift to smaller mobile devices from desktops drives this trend. Back in the day, people would sit down at their computers, usually including a set of desktop speakers, and fire them up. Computing was an experience in itself.
Now, desktop computers are on the way out, and people rarely shut their laptops, tablets, and phones down. If there was a startup sound, it would never get played. Since people don't want their devices to be noisy, they don't generally make a wake up or log on sound. How many times do you wake your phone up in a day? A sound every time would get annoying.
Software is becoming more and more mobile oriented, which is pushing sound out. Will people want sounds back? probably not. We are to a point where we take technology for granted, and the experience of using it is nothing special. With all the noise coming at us in modern life, it may be good that our devices keep their mouths shut.
Thursday, September 1, 2016
4 Biggest Practicing Mistakes
I hate lists like this, but I'm writing one anyway. Dedicated string players practice every day, thinking that's the way to improve. If you assume this, you're right, but are you getting the most out of your days and weeks practicing? Maybe not. Here are some commonly made, but rarely acknowledged mistakes that really put string players off their game of practicing.
1) Having TWDs in the studio:
TWDs (or time wasting devices) such as TV sets, smartphones, laptops, and tablets, have no place in the practice studio. You might say that it's great to be able to pull up a YouTube video of a great performer while you are practicing, but can you remember the last time you just watched only what you went there to watch? I didn't think so. There are also a lot of different apps that enable a device to be a tuner, metronome, or other musical device, but they give to the practice session far less than the device itself takes away by its mere presence. Get a tuner and a metronome. It is OK to have time set aside and a separate space to listen to recordings and watch videos. Bottom line, if it has a screen, get it out of your practice!
2) Not structuring your practice time:
Great!!! You have a two hour block of time set aside to practice. Do you know how you will spend this time? You can focus your practice time much better if you take a few minutes and plan out the next hours. Divide your time however you think you need, and write it down. Don't forget to include time for scales, etudes, and simple exercises on sound. Take a look through your repertoire, and see which movements and passages need your attention that day. Include some time for full "performances" of longer chunks of your music. Most importantly, stick to your plan. If you decide to spend 15 minutes polishing a passage, spend that time on that passage, even if you think it sounds good already--there's always something more to do. On the flip side, don't push your schedule back because you are still not satisfied with a certain section--move on and spend more time in another session.
3) Practicing what already sounds good:
This entry could also be called "avoiding what sounds bad." We like to sound good, but we have to give that up sometimes. I hear so many performances that have great moments, but one or two problem spots that just ruin the whole thing. If there are a few spots that just aren't coming together, set aside extra time for those. Beyond spending time, actively diagnose what is wrong. Usually, the problem can be reduced to a string crossing, a shift, or a bow change.
4) Leaving it all up to the teacher:
There is one person in the world who can be your best teacher. He or she can be with you for the rest of your life. You never have to pay a dime. This person is on call any time of the day or night. Who is this great person? It's YOU! No teacher should let you crash through the same passage over and over again, so don't do this yourself. Always ask yourself what you can do better and how you can do it. Your teacher will give you a lot of important information, but you need to teach yourself these concepts between lessons. For young students, parents should pay attention in lessons and assist in the process.
This list is not exhaustive, but will help you to follow my motto: "practice smarter, not harder!"
1) Having TWDs in the studio:
TWDs (or time wasting devices) such as TV sets, smartphones, laptops, and tablets, have no place in the practice studio. You might say that it's great to be able to pull up a YouTube video of a great performer while you are practicing, but can you remember the last time you just watched only what you went there to watch? I didn't think so. There are also a lot of different apps that enable a device to be a tuner, metronome, or other musical device, but they give to the practice session far less than the device itself takes away by its mere presence. Get a tuner and a metronome. It is OK to have time set aside and a separate space to listen to recordings and watch videos. Bottom line, if it has a screen, get it out of your practice!
2) Not structuring your practice time:
Great!!! You have a two hour block of time set aside to practice. Do you know how you will spend this time? You can focus your practice time much better if you take a few minutes and plan out the next hours. Divide your time however you think you need, and write it down. Don't forget to include time for scales, etudes, and simple exercises on sound. Take a look through your repertoire, and see which movements and passages need your attention that day. Include some time for full "performances" of longer chunks of your music. Most importantly, stick to your plan. If you decide to spend 15 minutes polishing a passage, spend that time on that passage, even if you think it sounds good already--there's always something more to do. On the flip side, don't push your schedule back because you are still not satisfied with a certain section--move on and spend more time in another session.
3) Practicing what already sounds good:
This entry could also be called "avoiding what sounds bad." We like to sound good, but we have to give that up sometimes. I hear so many performances that have great moments, but one or two problem spots that just ruin the whole thing. If there are a few spots that just aren't coming together, set aside extra time for those. Beyond spending time, actively diagnose what is wrong. Usually, the problem can be reduced to a string crossing, a shift, or a bow change.
4) Leaving it all up to the teacher:
There is one person in the world who can be your best teacher. He or she can be with you for the rest of your life. You never have to pay a dime. This person is on call any time of the day or night. Who is this great person? It's YOU! No teacher should let you crash through the same passage over and over again, so don't do this yourself. Always ask yourself what you can do better and how you can do it. Your teacher will give you a lot of important information, but you need to teach yourself these concepts between lessons. For young students, parents should pay attention in lessons and assist in the process.
This list is not exhaustive, but will help you to follow my motto: "practice smarter, not harder!"
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